Bluer Than It’s Ever Been

words & music by Doug Howell (6/73)

my world just used to turn around
and even when it hurt
it really didn’t seem
to slow down much
but you know when I met you
you stopped it cold
and all I knew is it felt
like I would go through an
opening door
and I knew that you would never ever leave me
anymore
and I don’t know what to do
though I should know
just what to do
and how I should react to you
but I just don’t know what to do

at times my sky was filled with gloom
and sometimes there were clouds
but when you came to me it was
bluer than it’s ever been before
than it’s ever been
and though I couldn’t move
I thought I finally knew
what it felt like to soar
and you know you made me wonder
if I’d ever loved before

and I don’t know what to do
though I should know
just what to do
and how I should react to you
but I just don’t know what to do

Jesus, it’s all up to you
to show me just what I should do
and how I should react to you
oh, Lord, I know you’ll see me through

1975 Notes

Do you remember what it was like when you first met Jesus?

Ephesians 2:4-7

2005 Notes

You know, life just doesn’t come in neat little packages. Spirituality over here in this package. Love over there, with a bow. Pain in a duct-taped box in the basement. That’s not how it was meant to be, and not how it really is. In fact, when we try to live life like that, it’s a very big mistake. Life is supposed to be all mixed up. Everything’s a part of everything else. It cuts across more dimensions than we even realize exist. (Some scientists now say there are at least 29, you know. Dimensions, I mean.)

So many of my songs have been about both spiritual love and human love. Maybe it was about human love at the beginning, but I didn’t know how to describe it—or was afraid to because I thought no one would understand it, or accept it—or didn’t even know how to describe it in purely human terms. Maybe it started out as human love, but turned into something else, opening up a whole new world and changing me somehow. No matter where the love came from, to me it all revolved around God anyway.

And just maybe it was something I didn’t want to give away completely. So I wrapped it in a little mystery. You haven’t listened to these songs very carefully if you haven’t heard that much. Maybe that’s the reason everyone asked me so often what my songs meant! But believe me, I wasn’t just trying to hide or to be obtuse. I really truly wasn’t sure myself. And still am not. That’s part of where that community living comes in. Some of you readers had to—and may yet have to—help me figure that out. After all, maybe you know about a dimension I haven’t heard of yet.

He was beautiful, and he caught me completely off guard. He wasn’t God, or was he? He certainly seemed like a close relative. And he was quite profoundly beyond my world. And all he did was hand me a golf ball. But somehow, it was the world. The whole, wide, beautiful world. And a door opened inside. One that had been closed for a very long time. Even thinking back on it now, I’m not sure. Does that sound human or spiritual to you?