Everything I Am

words & music by Doug Howell (2015) • © 2015 Creative Measures LLC

everything I am
everything I’ve done
I pour it out to you, Lord
everything that’s good
and everything that’s bad
I lay it down before you, Lord

we start out with nothing
and that’s where we end
we lose track of all we held dear
all we can seem to hold on to
are the things we can somehow leave here

everything I have
everything I’ve lost
it all belongs to you, Lord
all I know is true
all I’ve learned is false
I bring it all before you, Lord

what matters most
is being with you
becoming what you had in mind
somewhere under layers of
who I should be
lies who you long to find

everything I am
everything I’ve done
I pour it out to you, Lord
everything that’s good
and everything that’s bad
I lay it down before you, Lord

2018 Notes

Special thanks to former Good News Circle buddy, Daniel Leonhardt, for his wonderful contributions on acoustic and electric guitars. So great to work with you again, Dan!

Do you have a “life song”? I do—now, that is. I was planning a sort of “life story” concert a few years ago, hoping it would be a way to help others who were struggling to reconcile their faith with their sexuality in the same way I had struggled. I would share some of my tried-and-true songs, of course, but also wanted to include some others that had never seen the light of day, and never been unleashed on concert-goers. Songs that expressed in a very intimate, sometimes painful way what it was really like to follow God when I was hanging on by my fingernails. And while I was choosing the songs and pulling my thoughts together, it hit me: I really need a life song that sums up everything I’m trying to say. I’d often thought of “Jesus Never Fails” as my life song up to then, and I still think it is in some ways. But it just didn’t seem like there was any song that did what I felt needed to be done—not just a song about His faithfulness no matter what, but more my response to His faithfulness. It didn’t take long for the song to be born, but the concert never came about, and few have ever heard it, as I’ve only sung it for a couple of small groups. I haven’t had a chance to record it until now.

I’ve been really enjoying the sermons on the Bread of Life that Pastor Katlin and Father David Glaser (my David) have been sharing with us throughout August at Holy Apostles in Hilo. Having just released my first new song from Hawai‘i a few weeks ago, “The Lord’s Prayer,” I couldn’t help but be struck by the powerful connections between the lyrics of this song and the “daily bread,” the Bread of Life, which is shared with us each week at the Lord’s table. We kneel to receive the bread, the wine—the Body, the Blood. But we also kneel to give our bread, our wine. Our body, our blood, our life. We can only bring what we have, but we must bring it all. We receive all He has to give, and give all we are. The good and bad alike. All of it.

And I was reminded of a line from another song from way back, “New Wine”:

only let me bear the fruit of Your vine
then lead me to Your winepress
and drink me
while I drink You

I hope the words of this song speak to you. And if you’d like, get in touch and let me know what your life song is.