Have I Ever Heard This Sound?

have I ever heard this sound before?
the first song of a bird in spring
has never caused my heart to sing before
but suddenly it calls to me, freeing me
to sing of things I’ve ever been afraid to speak
have I ever heard this sound before?

have I ever felt this warmth before?
the stirring of a summer breeze
has never caused all else to cease before
but now it seems to whisper schemes, flowing streams
of foolish things I’ve ever been afraid to dream
have I ever felt this warmth before?

you reached out your hand
and showed me a world I seemed to be made for
a love that dared to speak
words I ached for
I’d prayed for

have I ever seen the clouds before?
are they far or are they in your eyes?
I’ve never found the strength to fly before
but suddenly you beckon me, bidding me
to try my wings, to touch the things I dared not feel
have I ever seen the clouds before?

have I ever breathed before?

Reviews

My how I love a backstory! Beautiful. —Alberta B. B.

Thank you for sharing Doug! Happy to have met you both! —Ginny H.

I had never heard the story before. God certainly had a hand in you two finding each other! So happy for you! —Margene F.-D.

Happy anniversary! Larry and I have several anniversaries as well! —Richard R.

I remember seeing an old photo of you and David – hot stuff. Always love hearing how people meet and fall in love. —Sugar D.

I had heard the phrase “draped across a chair” before; glad to finally hear the backstory. I like to imagine most of your romantic songs are about David even if they were written before you met him. I know mine are all about Jeff. —Lisa G. L.

This made me cry. Blessings to both of you with best wishes that you have many more beautiful years together! —Karl O.

Oh Doug I just love your music! Thank you! —Mark Kay C.-G.

Oh how i love this story and this song. Sending so much love to both of you ! —Wendy B.

Thanks for the backdrop to this beautiful song. You might think this is corny, but as I listened I thought of the end of the Thor – Love and Thunder” movie when Gorr says to Thor, “Why should I seek love?” And Thor says, “Because it’s all any of us wants.”  —Randy T.

I love this story! My husband and I actually met at Canterbury House although we really reconnected later. —Brian W. S.

Doug – I’m so happy that I got to be a fly on the wall to see the origin story of you two! (I was also quite happy to go dancing!) It was a very special night indeed and you were on cloud 9, maybe even higher!  —Carole B.

I listened to every song and it was like a peaceful spring rain washing over me. Love you Doug —Craig K.

Uncle Doug, I’m sure I knew this story but don’t remember it. How I love you retelling it, like it was yesterday.  —Jamie L.

This is a very romantic and heartfelt loving song. Listened several times…Go Dougi….xoxo
xoxoxo —Auntie D.

…thank you for sharing with us your lovely song “Have I Ever Heard This Sound?”  Before I had a chance to respond to “Up On The Roof” this one appeared. It is such an intimate song for David and yourself that I almost feel like I shouldn’t be listening to it. What a wonderful song and lyric to give to one’s true love. You are so prolific, but most importantly, your high standard never drops. Quantity and quality! Not many songwriters can sustain those qualities as you do. —Andy C.

Notes

David and I met on the same day I came out to my mom: May 19, 1989. I felt like celebrating, so Carole, my friend in the downstairs apartment, said she’d go out dancing with me. I think it was probably the first night of my entire life that I was totally comfortable in my own skin. And before I knew what was happening, there he was—draped over a chair in the Nectarine Ballroom courtyard, oozing attitude and smoking a ciggy. His best friend Rob (who I’d met at one of my local concerts) had convinced him to come dancing even though he wasn’t in the mood (hence the attitude). Someone who Rob and I both knew through a gay support group at the Canterbury House—who was a bit flaky—grabbed Carole and me as soon as we came in the door and took us out to meet them where they were cooling off in the courtyard with friends. (Maybe the flake was really an angel, because none of us has ever seen him since.)

Anyway, the point of the story is that we met and, after a few embarrassing moments, were introduced. And it was clear to anybody who was paying the least bit of attention that we each thought the other was pretty special. Later we danced to Donna Summer’s “This Time I Know It’s for Real,” and he made little flashing motions with his hands every time she sang the line, “say ‘I love you’ with a neon sign…” When the dance was over, he whispered, “Don’t leave without saying goodbye.”

But as fate would have it, I did just that, and not through any lack of trying. Turns out he and Rob were talking to someone in a side room I didn’t even know existed, so after searching all three floors of the dance club, I left disappointed, and so did he.

In spite of that dubious beginning and a few other missteps which followed, we did eventually get together again, and the rest is history. We’ve always considered the night we met our main anniversary date, but we have three more, actually. The second was when we registered as domestic partners with the City of Ann Arbor; the third when we had our relationship blessed at St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church in Ann Arbor in October 1992 (which we consider our true wedding day—except for the absent blessing, which our then bishop had forbidden); the fourth was the day we were finally, legally wed here in Hawaiʻi in January 2016, complete with the blessing of the Church, champagne, signed certificates, kids blowing bubbles, and so many lei around our necks we could hardly see above them. It’s been an amazing adventure.

It all started 35 years ago May 19. And it was twelve years before that I wrote “Have I Ever Heard This Sound?” Even so, I never considered it quite finished, nor was I very motivated to work on it, since the relationship that inspired it was obviously ill-fated. However, I did send it once, along with a few other songs, to a well-known Nashville producer, who in 1982 asked to see some of my work. After quite some time had passed, he sent back a reply, including this excerpt:

“…I have not forgotten you. Quite the contrary! My wife and I cuddled tonight while listening to “Have I Ever Lived Before” and “House on the Ocean”—smiling through the tears in our eyes while being blessed by your music. I just want to encourage you to keep on keeping on! …All that to say that my lack of response is in no way indicative of any lack of excitement!” He went on to say that if I agreed, he wanted to show both songs to a couple very popular singers of the day, which was exciting indeed! I can’t remember why exactly, but that never happened…

I’ve never forgotten that vote of confidence, though, and I’ve always wanted to finish the song properly. Our anniversary this year finally provided the motivation I needed, so here it is! Just like last year’s anniversary song, “Nothing on You,” this one was pretty easy to finish, once I conjured an image of David in my mind, and started thinking about all the ways he changed my life on a May 19 long ago.

Music Notes

The underlying music bed of this song is a sort of conversation between piano and harp, a combination of the earthbound and heavenly if you will. Interspersed into the conversation are statements by alto flute, bassoon and french horn. I couldn’t resist adding some birdsong from three of our Hawkswood favorites: first a rose-breasted grosbeak, then an indigo bunting, and finally a black-capped chickadee. One of the things I miss most on the Big Island is the absence of beloved Michigan songbirds. Luckily we have the melodious laughing-thrush, which on some days can make up for a whole chorus of other songs…