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Still You Love Me
you know all the meanings
behind the words I say
and how I rearrange them
to sound some other way
you count every tear I cry
and every time I fall
and every thought inside my head—
you understand it all
Jesus, I have lied to you and caused you so much pain
and that’s why I can’t understand
you love me just the same
you call me by my name
you know everything I’ve ever done
you know all my longings after love
you know I’m a fool with many foolish dreams
but still You love me
you’re always thinkin’ of me
yes, you still love me—
crazy as it seems
runnin’, I was runnin’
from myself into the night
I felt your eyes upon me
and I blinked against the light
but though I turned away
you didn’t let me get too far
you sang to me in breezes—
you spoke in falling stars
you said you were in love
though I was wretched and alone
you gave to me a promise:
that someday I will know
just as I am known
you know everything I’ve ever done
you know all my longings after love
you know I’m a fool with many foolish dreams
but still you made me
yes, by your word, you created me and
still you surround me
before, behind, yes, and all around me
still you forgive me
yes, time and time again you forgive me
you know everything I’ve ever done
you know all my longings after love
you know I’m a fool with many foolish dreams
but still you love me
you’re always thinkin’ of me
yes, you still love me—
crazy as it seems
Reviews
Doug, you have described the story of so many people in this song. It really touched my heart. —Deborah G. H.
I remember you and your music, Doug. God bless you. —Debbie P.
Uncle Doug, love the song, the music, the meaning behind it – and you! —Jamie R.
It’s been a long time Doug, almost a lifetime ago. Blessed be thou friend. —Nasir K.
Very easy listening Doug, beautifully done. Is David singing the [background] vocals? Also very nice. —Chris T.
❤️ —Carol T.
So, I’m loving this one, Doug! You’ve definitely become an “islander” with this catchy new style..and yet the lyrics are as meaningful as any you‘ve written. Love the way the scripture passages are woven in, yet fit perfectly with the style. Thanks for sharing your story, too. It breaks my heart that many face that struggle and never do realize how much they are still loved. —Katie C.
Very nice! While I was on YouTube, I had to listen to Jesus Never Fails. Love that song, one of your best. Thank you. —Kathy S. W.
I love this!! I love the song, the story behind it, the message, and both of you! How wonderful! —Lisa H-J.
Love it…you are a great duo in so many ways! Love to both of you! —Susan B.
Love the island style! Great message too. Amazing that He still loves us! —Janis E. R.
It sounds like you are sitting on the beach with the waves hitting the sand. You are so talented. I love to hear you sing and play! ♥️ —Doreen G.
That was awesome!! I love it!!! —Sharon O. M.
I really love this one. Nice laid back vibe. —Diane S.
2019 Notes
Late one mid-70s summer night I came face to face with myself in the pages of a novel. Through a character some author dreamed up I somehow realized—finally—that I was gay. I couldn’t avoid it, deny it, or explain it away any longer.
I couldn’t explain it away, yet it explained everything: All the soul-rending struggles I’d been experiencing for years now. The mysterious letter I’d just received from a friend telling me his love for me “wasn’t pure.” The way another friend had suddenly pulled away just as we were getting close. It all made sense now, and tears started streaming down as shock and panic streamed in. The pamphlet Mom had given me had said this was all normal, these crushes on male friends. They were probably just a phase I’d grow out of. But now I knew. This was no phase, unless phases could last an eternity. But me? Christian? Follower of Jesus? Gay?
As quickly and quietly as I could, I made my way down the stairs and out the back door. I kept going until I reached the back orchard, halfway through our 80 acres, and started running back and forth through the silent rows of shadowy trees. I’m not sure, but I think I was hoping I would fall dead from a heart attack and end this agony. But I didn’t die. I did, however, fall—to my knees, exhausted. I covered my face, then looked up into the moonless sky. A falling star blazed across the dark. As its fiery trail slowly disappeared from my eyes, the other stars, blurred through the tears, resolved slowly into familiar, hot points of light and blinked reassuringly. Then a quietness settled over me. Somehow I knew I was in the presence of God.
I asked him why he’d made me like this, pleading with him to take these feelings away from me. As I listened for an answer, Psalm 139, one of my favorites, wended its way into the silence, gently urging this throbbing, aching thing in my chest back into the place it had been ripped out of just a few minutes earlier:
Oh, Lord, you have searched me and known me
You know when I sit down and when I rise up
You understand all my thoughts from afar
there is not a word on my tongue but Lord,
You know it altogether
You have surrounded me, behind and before,
and laid your hand on me
such knowledge is too wonderful for me
it is too high—how can I possibly understand it?where can I go from your spirit?
where can I flee from your presence?
if I ascend to heaven, you are there;
if I make my bed in hell—behold, you are there!
if I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea
even there your hand will lead me
and your strength support me
when I feel the darkness will swallow me up
your light will surround me
for even the darkness can’t hide from you—
it shines just like the day—
darkness and light are both the same to youI will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made
all your works are marvelous,
and now I’ve come to realize that I am one of them!
for you knew me when I was still in my mother’s womb
my essence was not hidden from you when I was made in secret
your eyes saw me in all my imperfection
and still you recorded all my days in your book—
before my life ever beganhow precious are your thoughts for me, O God!
how many times you think of me—more than the sands of the sea
when I wake up—from dark dreams, or restless thoughts, or peaceful sleep—you’re still with mesearch me, O God, and know my heart
try me, and know my anxious thoughts
see if there be any wicked way in me
and lead me in the way everlasting! (excerpts from Psalm 139, my own paraphrase)
And like a bookend to my confusion, a verse from the New Testament came in to complete the thought. As I grabbed hold of the promise, I could feel the fear slowly turning into wonder.
For in this moment, all we can see
are puzzling reflections, as in a mirror;
but then we will see face to face.
Now I understand only in part;
but then I will know completely,
just as I am known. (I Cor. 13:12, my own paraphrase)
I heard this same truth spoken years later by Aaron Davis, a character in the movie Latter Days, as he tried to make sense of his own sexuality:
“Do you ever read the Sunday comics? ….the comic page? When I was a little kid, I used to put my face right up to them, you know. And I was amazed because it was just this mass of dots. I think life is like that sometimes. But I like to think that from God’s perspective, life—everything, even this—makes sense. It’s not just dots. Instead we’re all, we’re all connected. And it’s beautiful. And it’s funny. And it’s good. From this close we, we can’t expect it to make sense, right now…”
This song is a retelling of that summer night. That night when my eyes were opened to see—not just who I was, but how the Lord, although he knows me even better than I know myself, loves me just the same. It would take another 16 years before I was really comfortable in my own skin. And though I performed the song a couple of times, it took 46 years before I finally recorded it. (It just seemed to call for ukulele. You knew it was just a matter of time, right?)
No, I still don’t have all the answers to the questions I asked God that night, but Psalm 139 and the Love Chapter told me all I needed to know to keep me going in the meantime. And I believe with all my heart that someday I will know, just as I am known.
Special thanks to David Glaser for some great background vocals, yet again!
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